Things have been really rough for me lately. It's hard to figure out what's been really bothering me. I wish I knew more, that way, I wouldn't have to be so naive all the time and make stupid mistakes that always get in the way. School's been a pain-it still is. But it's getting a lot better. I was talking to my counselor about what's been going on, why my grades have been slipping. I gave her the excuse that I've been lazy, and that I haven't been caring much about it. But that was more than a white lie I made not only to her but to myself. I DO know why its been slipping, I just don't want to bring myself to admit that and know that I let one little stupid reason keep me from living my life the way it should be lived. Though there's really no "way" of living life right, I give myself standards that I can't achieve to doing.
Some people say it's just high school, or that I'm going through that phase and that I'll get over it in a bit. But I know its not. That one little thing, well to be honest, It's bothering me. And its not just one of those little things that can heal with time. Or is it? Pain is inevitable, but suffering is optional. Maybe I want to suffer a bit just to make myself stronger. But why go through that? Im always hiding what I feel when people are around. And when no ones around, I just sit there and think. And at times, I cry myself to sleep. Letting it out feels good, but only for a little while. That feeling always comes back whether I like it or not.
No comments:
Post a Comment